On July 22nd, 2023, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and I am saved through His grace, love, and glory!
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God | Romans 5:1-2
2001-2016
Growing up, I was raised catholic. I was adopted by a single mother (who also adopted my two older sisters), who placed us in a catholic program called CCD once a week after school. We lived in the suburbs located in central New Jersey in a town called Edison. My mother passed away when I was about 5 years old but our aunt stepped in and took care of us for the majority of our lives. My aunt still kept us in these classes and had us go through the sacraments of initiation. The sacraments of initiation are what all Catholics need to follow in order for us to be saved (baptism, communion, and confirmation). These sacraments were obligated for us to receive so we can be an adult of the church. During that time, I was mainly going through the motions and did not think much of it. The mindset I had was that this was an important task I needed to do and it was a requirement for me to take in order to be closer to our Lord.
2016-2017
After I received confirmation, I became very curious about catholicism and wanted to learn more about the religion. During this time, I was around 15 years of age (going into freshman year of high school), and usually during this age, you tend to be more curious about what you learn (at least for me). I wanted to discover what else I could comprehend with catholicism, so I decided to go to mass regularly (mainly on my own, my aunt stopped going to church after confirmation and so did my siblings). I still was unaware of what I was doing and mainly kept going to mass just knowing I was obligated to.
2017-2018
When going into my sophomore year, that is when I started to participate more in what my church does and took Catholicism more seriously. I joined the youth group that is provided and got to meet many students my age (from my high school and other ones around my area). I read the readings during mass, participated in singing in the choir, helped around the church with retreats, etc. The more I did all of this, the more I thought this was the correct way to achieve my salvation. I thought I was learning more about Jesus but when looking back, I was mainly following what everyone else was doing and just wanted to find some peace in my life.
With that in mind, at the end of my sophomore year of high school, I registered for this retreat from my diocese for the summer. A diocese is a large section of catholic churches that are run by a bishop. This retreat I went to is called “quo vadis,” which is the Latin phrase for, “where are you going.” I was interested in attending, so I went to the retreat. Later I started to realize that this was an all-boys retreat where guys my age would reflect on their vocation. Vocation in the catholic church is when a person decides what they are doing in their lives. Whether it is marriage, priesthood, single life, or religious life (becoming a nun, friar, or monk). The retreat’s primary focus was to encourage guys to consider the catholic priesthood. I still decided to go and thought it would be fun anyway. The retreat was only three days, so I had the perspective that I was not going to be gaslighted into thinking of becoming a priest. But that ended up becoming the opposite. After the retreat was over, I had an urge that maybe God was calling me to become a priest and I had that thought for quite a while moving forward.
2018-2019
I did not think too much of it for the rest of the summer but it was a thought that was running through my mind. When beginning my junior year of high school, I kept it to myself for a bit until I received a letter from the vocations director (a priest who is in charge of vocations) regarding a discernment group the diocese was creating. I felt an interest in going, so I joined and got to meet some of the guys I met from the quo vadis retreat again. I would say that it was a good time meeting with these people and the priest was very generous. Throughout that whole school year, I learned a lot about catholicism and got to discover what the priesthood is like by seeing an example from the vocations director and many others I got to meet.
But there are a few things that I caught on to during that time that I thought were confusing to me. One is the authority the church has over the people. I was always confused as to why we have priests who have the power to run the sacraments of the church and that we the faithful need to ask a priest for these sacraments. One example would be confession, where we need to ask a priest about our sins. I was told that the priest is supposed to resemble God’s instrument and that God is working through the priest to forgive people’s sins. During the time, I just let it be as it is and took their word for it but I still thought it was strange. The second thing I like to point out is the idea of Mary being a model. My 17-year-old self thought that was strange and I had this question “Why do we talk so much about Mary?” I was told that Catholics honor Mary but there is a lot of talk about her being a queen in heaven. So does that contradict what they said? A queen is someone who rules over a community from a right of birth. We say that Jesus is king, which creates a similar definition but with a male. So if Catholics only honor Mary, should Catholics say the same thing about Jesus? There was a lot of confusion that I had overall about what I was learning but I let it be at the time.
Pretty much during this year, I was discovering catholicism of their beliefs and what I can learn from it. I kept participating in the discernment group and later on, I became an altar server for my church. As I was building an understanding of catholicism I had thoughts running through my head that did not want me to continue doing this. I think I was just following what every else was doing and I did not have much knowledge of scripture but I was taught by priests and people from the discernment group about vocations towards the priesthood particularly and how to follow the Lord through their example. Then, at the end of my junior year, that is when things did not go the way I wanted. On June 4th, 2019, my aunt passed away from septic shock. During this time, my life turned around completely and I went through a major change in my life. From having to live with a guardian to an independent adult was a drastic change that brought me to a stressful moment. I of course had family help (like my siblings and a cousin from Georgia who did a lot for me). But at the same time, I needed to grow up faster than expected to keep everything moving. The summer going into my senior year was a rough one because of all of the adjustments I needed to get used to. I also was in the process of moving from the house we grew up into a small apartment in Jersey City. At this time, I was mainly focused on myself and trying to cope with the stress through work. I did have God as one of my priorities but kept Him as a secondary thought when I was focused on getting everything sorted out. Looking back at this moment made me realize how I really needed Jesus in my life and wondered if I got to know the Lord during that time, things would have worked out differently. But come to think of it, God knows where my heart was and knew that that experience was going to happen.
2019-2020
When starting my senior year of high school, it started off rough. When my sisters left the house (where one was still finishing college and the other was working in New York) I had to live an independent life when going into my last year of high school. I was 18 at the time, so I was allowed to live on my own. It was quite a struggle keeping everything together where every day I needed to manage things with my personal and school life. There were many times when I fell into bad habits with eating and keeping up with a healthy routine mentally and physically. I was also running cross country and track for my school where that has been taking a large chunk of my time too. Even having to go to church became a struggle. I felt I needed to go to church every Sunday and just went for the sake of going. It was a rough year for me and for the most part, I focused on doing things on my own. I did not want to turn to anyone for help because I did not want anyone to feel bad for me.
Then when March 2020 came along, that made the situation even more difficult. When the pandemic struck, I was in a very bad mental state where I was just in my own head. Everything that I was looking forward to (prom, graduation, day trips, etc.) was all canceled, and was disappointed in everything that was happening. One positive thing that did happen during this time was when my sisters came back and we ended up having time to be around each other, which I thank God for that.
Going back to everything I had with catholicism, I mainly went through the motions during this time. During this overwhelming period, I tended to notice some things that sparked confusion with the catholic church. When churches shut down, there were many new rules in place. It got me thinking of a lot of contradictions in what catholicism teaches. For example, the obligation to go to mass was brought down when the pandemic began, which confused me at the time because I thought if we did not go to mass (and receive the Eucharist), it was considered a moral sin (a major sin that will bring you to hell). According to the bishops, they brought to the people that they were not obligated to go to mass due to the shutdowns we had in our country. But my question during all of this is, “How does this rule make sense according to what the church said in the past?” We heard the bishops and pope gave this order but what made them decide to make this decision without speaking with the people about it? We have seen everything get shut down during this time, so it was brought to my attention that was it because the government is saying that? In other words, are they focusing on what the government says on what to do or not to do with our beliefs? I was questioning that for a while but I mainly let it slide during that time.
When summer came along, things slowly got better. My graduation was rough with it being online in June to being somewhat in person in July. What I mean by that is that my grade was cut into sections for the ceremony at different times during the day. That was okay but did not really care too much about that mainly because it was in July and felt I was already done with high school. During that summer, I got to see friends again and it was good to finally be able to hang out with people more regularly. Church also started to open again and started to go to mass in person regularly. Mass was still not considered an “obligation” (which became an obligation in 2021). I started to see some of my friends who were part of the discernment group I was in. One of them asked me to start attending the Latin Mass, which I had no idea what it was. When I first attended the Latin mass, I was very confused about what was happening. There were so many prayers that were written and so much to understand. There were a lot of things we needed to do and things that were not allowed to do.
Some questions came to mind during this time. Why is this all necessary? Do these actions really teach what Jesus wants us to live? Why do all these actions indicate any significance? I still reflect on these questions today and it brings me to the idea that this traditional mass treats it as something you need to be perfect in. We see in the bible that we are all broken and Jesus is the all-perfect One. There is more to say about this topic but I will just leave it at that. Maybe in a future blog, I’ll speak more about it.
2020-2021
I have started my freshman year of college and as I was going into this year, there were some unexpected things happening. One is that half my classes were online and second that there were so many restrictions on campus. It was a crazy first year, considering the uncertainty. While going through this experience, I still was able to meet new people along the way, especially since I was running for the cross-country team. Got to know my teammates and was overall getting used to a new environment. During this time, I was still considered catholic and had to research Catholic events in the area. My school is also known to be a catholic school, so I reached out to the campus ministry program on campus. They seemed nice and I was able to help participate in the mass they have every Sunday. I became a lector where I read the readings during mass every week. I also went to a few other catholic churches nearby and got to know the priests there. I still felt there was something off with what I was doing and was not sure what it was.
I then met a good friend on campus who is a Christian. When meeting with him for the first time, I spoke to him about my being catholic and the teachings I have learned. He listened and then mentioned to me about the church he goes to. He gave me a suggestion about going to a program called Cru, which many college students go to where they have meetings once a week at a church called Fellowship Church, which is about a mile down the road from campus. I considered going and I thought it would be something new to witness. Growing up, I did not even know that there were other denominations of Christianity. All I knew was catholicism and I thought that was the only form of the religion.
As I was starting to go to these meetings at cru, I got to meet so many believers who go to my school and schools nearby. When going to these meetings, there were sermons that dive into the bible deeply. At the time, I had no idea what was going on, I didn’t even have a bible with me. I was just following the person people next to me and felt overwhelmed when I listened to the sermon. It was so much different than what I was used to. To be quite honest, I do not remember what the sermon talked about, all I remember is the confusion I had going into it.
Later during the week, I looked more into what the church offers and explored its site to see what they believe and teach. What shocked me is the image shown below…
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God | Romans 5:1-2
2001-2016
Growing up, I was raised catholic. I was adopted by a single mother (who also adopted my two older sisters), who placed us in a catholic program called CCD once a week after school. We lived in the suburbs located in central New Jersey in a town called Edison. My mother passed away when I was about 5 years old but our aunt stepped in and took care of us for the majority of our lives. My aunt still kept us in these classes and had us go through the sacraments of initiation. The sacraments of initiation are what all Catholics need to follow in order for us to be saved (baptism, communion, and confirmation). These sacraments were obligated for us to receive so we can be an adult of the church. During that time, I was mainly going through the motions and did not think much of it. The mindset I had was that this was an important task I needed to do and it was a requirement for me to take in order to be closer to our Lord.
2016-2017
After I received confirmation, I became very curious about catholicism and wanted to learn more about the religion. During this time, I was around 15 years of age (going into freshman year of high school), and usually during this age, you tend to be more curious about what you learn (at least for me). I wanted to discover what else I could comprehend with catholicism, so I decided to go to mass regularly (mainly on my own, my aunt stopped going to church after confirmation and so did my siblings). I still was unaware of what I was doing and mainly kept going to mass just knowing I was obligated to.
2017-2018
When going into my sophomore year, that is when I started to participate more in what my church does and took Catholicism more seriously. I joined the youth group that is provided and got to meet many students my age (from my high school and other ones around my area). I read the readings during mass, participated in singing in the choir, helped around the church with retreats, etc. The more I did all of this, the more I thought this was the correct way to achieve my salvation. I thought I was learning more about Jesus but when looking back, I was mainly following what everyone else was doing and just wanted to find some peace in my life.
With that in mind, at the end of my sophomore year of high school, I registered for this retreat from my diocese for the summer. A diocese is a large section of catholic churches that are run by a bishop. This retreat I went to is called “quo vadis,” which is the Latin phrase for, “where are you going.” I was interested in attending, so I went to the retreat. Later I started to realize that this was an all-boys retreat where guys my age would reflect on their vocation. Vocation in the catholic church is when a person decides what they are doing in their lives. Whether it is marriage, priesthood, single life, or religious life (becoming a nun, friar, or monk). The retreat’s primary focus was to encourage guys to consider the catholic priesthood. I still decided to go and thought it would be fun anyway. The retreat was only three days, so I had the perspective that I was not going to be gaslighted into thinking of becoming a priest. But that ended up becoming the opposite. After the retreat was over, I had an urge that maybe God was calling me to become a priest and I had that thought for quite a while moving forward.
2018-2019
I did not think too much of it for the rest of the summer but it was a thought that was running through my mind. When beginning my junior year of high school, I kept it to myself for a bit until I received a letter from the vocations director (a priest who is in charge of vocations) regarding a discernment group the diocese was creating. I felt an interest in going, so I joined and got to meet some of the guys I met from the quo vadis retreat again. I would say that it was a good time meeting with these people and the priest was very generous. Throughout that whole school year, I learned a lot about catholicism and got to discover what the priesthood is like by seeing an example from the vocations director and many others I got to meet.
But there are a few things that I caught on to during that time that I thought were confusing to me. One is the authority the church has over the people. I was always confused as to why we have priests who have the power to run the sacraments of the church and that we the faithful need to ask a priest for these sacraments. One example would be confession, where we need to ask a priest about our sins. I was told that the priest is supposed to resemble God’s instrument and that God is working through the priest to forgive people’s sins. During the time, I just let it be as it is and took their word for it but I still thought it was strange. The second thing I like to point out is the idea of Mary being a model. My 17-year-old self thought that was strange and I had this question “Why do we talk so much about Mary?” I was told that Catholics honor Mary but there is a lot of talk about her being a queen in heaven. So does that contradict what they said? A queen is someone who rules over a community from a right of birth. We say that Jesus is king, which creates a similar definition but with a male. So if Catholics only honor Mary, should Catholics say the same thing about Jesus? There was a lot of confusion that I had overall about what I was learning but I let it be at the time.
Pretty much during this year, I was discovering catholicism of their beliefs and what I can learn from it. I kept participating in the discernment group and later on, I became an altar server for my church. As I was building an understanding of catholicism I had thoughts running through my head that did not want me to continue doing this. I think I was just following what every else was doing and I did not have much knowledge of scripture but I was taught by priests and people from the discernment group about vocations towards the priesthood particularly and how to follow the Lord through their example. Then, at the end of my junior year, that is when things did not go the way I wanted. On June 4th, 2019, my aunt passed away from septic shock. During this time, my life turned around completely and I went through a major change in my life. From having to live with a guardian to an independent adult was a drastic change that brought me to a stressful moment. I of course had family help (like my siblings and a cousin from Georgia who did a lot for me). But at the same time, I needed to grow up faster than expected to keep everything moving. The summer going into my senior year was a rough one because of all of the adjustments I needed to get used to. I also was in the process of moving from the house we grew up into a small apartment in Jersey City. At this time, I was mainly focused on myself and trying to cope with the stress through work. I did have God as one of my priorities but kept Him as a secondary thought when I was focused on getting everything sorted out. Looking back at this moment made me realize how I really needed Jesus in my life and wondered if I got to know the Lord during that time, things would have worked out differently. But come to think of it, God knows where my heart was and knew that that experience was going to happen.
2019-2020
When starting my senior year of high school, it started off rough. When my sisters left the house (where one was still finishing college and the other was working in New York) I had to live an independent life when going into my last year of high school. I was 18 at the time, so I was allowed to live on my own. It was quite a struggle keeping everything together where every day I needed to manage things with my personal and school life. There were many times when I fell into bad habits with eating and keeping up with a healthy routine mentally and physically. I was also running cross country and track for my school where that has been taking a large chunk of my time too. Even having to go to church became a struggle. I felt I needed to go to church every Sunday and just went for the sake of going. It was a rough year for me and for the most part, I focused on doing things on my own. I did not want to turn to anyone for help because I did not want anyone to feel bad for me.
Then when March 2020 came along, that made the situation even more difficult. When the pandemic struck, I was in a very bad mental state where I was just in my own head. Everything that I was looking forward to (prom, graduation, day trips, etc.) was all canceled, and was disappointed in everything that was happening. One positive thing that did happen during this time was when my sisters came back and we ended up having time to be around each other, which I thank God for that.
Going back to everything I had with catholicism, I mainly went through the motions during this time. During this overwhelming period, I tended to notice some things that sparked confusion with the catholic church. When churches shut down, there were many new rules in place. It got me thinking of a lot of contradictions in what catholicism teaches. For example, the obligation to go to mass was brought down when the pandemic began, which confused me at the time because I thought if we did not go to mass (and receive the Eucharist), it was considered a moral sin (a major sin that will bring you to hell). According to the bishops, they brought to the people that they were not obligated to go to mass due to the shutdowns we had in our country. But my question during all of this is, “How does this rule make sense according to what the church said in the past?” We heard the bishops and pope gave this order but what made them decide to make this decision without speaking with the people about it? We have seen everything get shut down during this time, so it was brought to my attention that was it because the government is saying that? In other words, are they focusing on what the government says on what to do or not to do with our beliefs? I was questioning that for a while but I mainly let it slide during that time.
When summer came along, things slowly got better. My graduation was rough with it being online in June to being somewhat in person in July. What I mean by that is that my grade was cut into sections for the ceremony at different times during the day. That was okay but did not really care too much about that mainly because it was in July and felt I was already done with high school. During that summer, I got to see friends again and it was good to finally be able to hang out with people more regularly. Church also started to open again and started to go to mass in person regularly. Mass was still not considered an “obligation” (which became an obligation in 2021). I started to see some of my friends who were part of the discernment group I was in. One of them asked me to start attending the Latin Mass, which I had no idea what it was. When I first attended the Latin mass, I was very confused about what was happening. There were so many prayers that were written and so much to understand. There were a lot of things we needed to do and things that were not allowed to do.
Some questions came to mind during this time. Why is this all necessary? Do these actions really teach what Jesus wants us to live? Why do all these actions indicate any significance? I still reflect on these questions today and it brings me to the idea that this traditional mass treats it as something you need to be perfect in. We see in the bible that we are all broken and Jesus is the all-perfect One. There is more to say about this topic but I will just leave it at that. Maybe in a future blog, I’ll speak more about it.
2020-2021
I have started my freshman year of college and as I was going into this year, there were some unexpected things happening. One is that half my classes were online and second that there were so many restrictions on campus. It was a crazy first year, considering the uncertainty. While going through this experience, I still was able to meet new people along the way, especially since I was running for the cross-country team. Got to know my teammates and was overall getting used to a new environment. During this time, I was still considered catholic and had to research Catholic events in the area. My school is also known to be a catholic school, so I reached out to the campus ministry program on campus. They seemed nice and I was able to help participate in the mass they have every Sunday. I became a lector where I read the readings during mass every week. I also went to a few other catholic churches nearby and got to know the priests there. I still felt there was something off with what I was doing and was not sure what it was.
I then met a good friend on campus who is a Christian. When meeting with him for the first time, I spoke to him about my being catholic and the teachings I have learned. He listened and then mentioned to me about the church he goes to. He gave me a suggestion about going to a program called Cru, which many college students go to where they have meetings once a week at a church called Fellowship Church, which is about a mile down the road from campus. I considered going and I thought it would be something new to witness. Growing up, I did not even know that there were other denominations of Christianity. All I knew was catholicism and I thought that was the only form of the religion.
As I was starting to go to these meetings at cru, I got to meet so many believers who go to my school and schools nearby. When going to these meetings, there were sermons that dive into the bible deeply. At the time, I had no idea what was going on, I didn’t even have a bible with me. I was just following the person people next to me and felt overwhelmed when I listened to the sermon. It was so much different than what I was used to. To be quite honest, I do not remember what the sermon talked about, all I remember is the confusion I had going into it.
Later during the week, I looked more into what the church offers and explored its site to see what they believe and teach. What shocked me is the image shown below…
When I read through this on their site, it shocked me and caught my interest in seeing this to be true. I spoke with my friend again and we had many discussions regarding topics on salvation and how we cannot earn our salvation through works. At the time, I did not want to believe. I wanted to continue being catholic and wanted to “prove him wrong” thinking that this could not be true. We got into other topics like the authority of the pope, the sacraments, etc. I kept denying what he had to say about it, mainly because I kept an ego of keeping close to catholicism. Also, I had good friends and priests I have met in my life that I wanted to remain close to, so I thought if I “abandoned” my religion, I wouldn’t be forgotten. That was a very toxic mindset for me and I knew there was something off about it. But I just kept with it and moved on from there.
2020-2021
During this time period, I was a lost sheep. I continued to go to mass and read the readings at church and went through a motionist state. At the beginning of 2021, I was at home for winter break and spent time being around friends and family. I have this good friend I met in the discernment group I was talking about earlier, where we discussed catholicism. My friend is currently a seminarian (a guy studying to become a priest), who started to encourage me to do the same thing. Throughout the discussion, he spoke to me of all the joyfulness you get from it and how it can build up an excellent pure foundation for the rest of my life. I thought about it more and began to read books on this topic. One book in particular is “To Save a Thousand Souls,” by Fr. Brett Brannen. I got very much into it where the author speaks about the life of a priest and what they do in their everyday life. I thought about it and discerned that path for a bit. As I have mentioned earlier, I have been exposed to that life when I went to the quo vadis retreat and the witness of priests I met.
Looking back at this, I think I was pressured into it mainly because my friend was constantly talking about the seminary (the place to study to become a priest) and how great it would be to join. I did not see it at the time and just did man's work, not what Jesus wanted me to do. I then reached out to the vocations director about it and started to apply to the seminary. Soon after, I got in when the month of May came around. I met up with the bishop and was able to talk through where God may be leading me. He offered me to go to the seminary program at Seton Hall University and thought that would be a great fit. This was the summer after my freshman year of college and I was considering leaving college to study to become a catholic priest. I had a lot of unsureness in my mind at that time but I kept with it because I did not want to disappoint people. At this moment, I was not thinking of what God wanted, I just thought of what people wanted me to be.
Throughout that summer, I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. I questioned if this was a good decision, what the outcome would be, if I was capable of doing this, etc. I was under so much stress and I also did not tell my school at the time because of the unsureness I had. When August came around, I took a day to just not do anything but stay at home. I spent time in prayer and wrote in my journal about this decision to leave college and study to become a priest. Then there was a moment where it hit me when I started to understand that this decision was not the work of God and that it was me being gaslighted by others to make this decision. The next day, I called the vocations director to tell him that I did not think it was a good idea to go to seminary. We met up in person later that week and we had a conversation regarding this even deeper. He was extremely patient with it and accepted that decision to not go to seminary and finish up college. I then had to send a letter to the bishop, talk to my friend (the seminarian) about it, and also the overall people I had been talking to about that decision. After all of that, I definitely found peace in what I just did. Looking back at it now, I see that God helped me realize that I was doing man’s work and He wanted me to go through this lesson so I could make better decisions to follow Him on what He wants me to do for my life.
2021-2023
During this time frame, I was stuck in a state where I had no idea what to do. I continued going to school and I still considered myself Catholic but had trouble standing with the teachings. My primary focus was very off and was in a stressful mindset of the unknown. Sophomore and junior of college, I mainly kept to myself where I was just focusing on running, school, work, and socializing with my teammates. I did receive a position as the lector leader for campus ministry but was not at peace with it. I just kept it as another thing to do and did not think much of it.
At the end of my junior year, I was looking for internships for the summer. As I was scrolling on Linkedin, I found there was a leadership development internship program at Hershey Park. I considered applying and I eventually did. I got in and later spoke with my advisor about this decision. He thought it would be a great idea and was able to help give me some college credit for the internship. I thought this would be a great opportunity to learn how an amusement park works and what I learned to become a better leader. Well, that was true but there was something else that God had planned when entering this program….
May-June 2023
When beginning this internship, I met with people across the United States. Many from the surrounding area and some in a completely different state. It was a whole new environment I had to get used to. In the first week, I met this girl who lives in the northern part of Pennsylvania but she goes to school at Messiah University in Mechanicsburg PA (which is about a 25-minute drive from Hershey). She was interested in making a conversation with me and we were able to engage in good conversations the first few days of the internship. There was this one day we sat outside and then she started speaking about religion. One thing that caught my attention was when we were talking about the Bible and how it is incredible how the Bible was translated so many times that it can be easier to understand His word even deeper. I caught an interest in that and we decided to read through John together. We picked John mainly because I had learned that the Eucharist is rooted in John 6 and thought I could understand that even deeper.
Time passes, we are reading through John and my friend sends me a message to urge me to read through John 6 carefully.
2020-2021
During this time period, I was a lost sheep. I continued to go to mass and read the readings at church and went through a motionist state. At the beginning of 2021, I was at home for winter break and spent time being around friends and family. I have this good friend I met in the discernment group I was talking about earlier, where we discussed catholicism. My friend is currently a seminarian (a guy studying to become a priest), who started to encourage me to do the same thing. Throughout the discussion, he spoke to me of all the joyfulness you get from it and how it can build up an excellent pure foundation for the rest of my life. I thought about it more and began to read books on this topic. One book in particular is “To Save a Thousand Souls,” by Fr. Brett Brannen. I got very much into it where the author speaks about the life of a priest and what they do in their everyday life. I thought about it and discerned that path for a bit. As I have mentioned earlier, I have been exposed to that life when I went to the quo vadis retreat and the witness of priests I met.
Looking back at this, I think I was pressured into it mainly because my friend was constantly talking about the seminary (the place to study to become a priest) and how great it would be to join. I did not see it at the time and just did man's work, not what Jesus wanted me to do. I then reached out to the vocations director about it and started to apply to the seminary. Soon after, I got in when the month of May came around. I met up with the bishop and was able to talk through where God may be leading me. He offered me to go to the seminary program at Seton Hall University and thought that would be a great fit. This was the summer after my freshman year of college and I was considering leaving college to study to become a catholic priest. I had a lot of unsureness in my mind at that time but I kept with it because I did not want to disappoint people. At this moment, I was not thinking of what God wanted, I just thought of what people wanted me to be.
Throughout that summer, I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. I questioned if this was a good decision, what the outcome would be, if I was capable of doing this, etc. I was under so much stress and I also did not tell my school at the time because of the unsureness I had. When August came around, I took a day to just not do anything but stay at home. I spent time in prayer and wrote in my journal about this decision to leave college and study to become a priest. Then there was a moment where it hit me when I started to understand that this decision was not the work of God and that it was me being gaslighted by others to make this decision. The next day, I called the vocations director to tell him that I did not think it was a good idea to go to seminary. We met up in person later that week and we had a conversation regarding this even deeper. He was extremely patient with it and accepted that decision to not go to seminary and finish up college. I then had to send a letter to the bishop, talk to my friend (the seminarian) about it, and also the overall people I had been talking to about that decision. After all of that, I definitely found peace in what I just did. Looking back at it now, I see that God helped me realize that I was doing man’s work and He wanted me to go through this lesson so I could make better decisions to follow Him on what He wants me to do for my life.
2021-2023
During this time frame, I was stuck in a state where I had no idea what to do. I continued going to school and I still considered myself Catholic but had trouble standing with the teachings. My primary focus was very off and was in a stressful mindset of the unknown. Sophomore and junior of college, I mainly kept to myself where I was just focusing on running, school, work, and socializing with my teammates. I did receive a position as the lector leader for campus ministry but was not at peace with it. I just kept it as another thing to do and did not think much of it.
At the end of my junior year, I was looking for internships for the summer. As I was scrolling on Linkedin, I found there was a leadership development internship program at Hershey Park. I considered applying and I eventually did. I got in and later spoke with my advisor about this decision. He thought it would be a great idea and was able to help give me some college credit for the internship. I thought this would be a great opportunity to learn how an amusement park works and what I learned to become a better leader. Well, that was true but there was something else that God had planned when entering this program….
May-June 2023
When beginning this internship, I met with people across the United States. Many from the surrounding area and some in a completely different state. It was a whole new environment I had to get used to. In the first week, I met this girl who lives in the northern part of Pennsylvania but she goes to school at Messiah University in Mechanicsburg PA (which is about a 25-minute drive from Hershey). She was interested in making a conversation with me and we were able to engage in good conversations the first few days of the internship. There was this one day we sat outside and then she started speaking about religion. One thing that caught my attention was when we were talking about the Bible and how it is incredible how the Bible was translated so many times that it can be easier to understand His word even deeper. I caught an interest in that and we decided to read through John together. We picked John mainly because I had learned that the Eucharist is rooted in John 6 and thought I could understand that even deeper.
Time passes, we are reading through John and my friend sends me a message to urge me to read through John 6 carefully.
While reflecting on what she had to say and from the understanding of what I was able to comprehend was that maybe this is what Jesus wants us to live our lives. In John 6:63, I found it fascinating to understand that the Spirit gives us life, not the flesh. Really brought to my understanding that God is always with us and as I am reflecting back on this conversation I had then, I read through Mathew 28:19-20, where Jesus is with us at the very end of the age. What I have learned about catholicism is that we need work in order to achieve our salvation and that the sacraments are there to help us with that. But I started thinking that many of the sacraments are based on the authority of the people running the church and not what Jesus wants us to live. For example, having to receive the Eucharist every weekend does not make sense after reading this passage. That transubstantiation does not connect well because it makes it seem that you need someone (the priest) to receive the Eucharist but in reality, all we need is Jesus and He is our salvation through faith.
After learning that, I began to engage more in understanding His word even deeper. I still did not consider myself saved at the time though. This was between May and June of 2023 when I wanted to hang onto my catholic beliefs. I wanted to not let go of it because it was still something I wanted to hold on to.
July 2023
Time rolled by and later on, my friend (the girl I was talking about earlier) asked about going to the grocery store in the morning one Sunday. That day I planned on going to the catholic church a few blocks away from the area we have been staying at for the internship. I mentioned it may not work with my schedule because of that reason but then she asked to go to her church that day instead. I was unsure and hesitant about going because I still had this rope that I was holding onto with catholicism. I thought about it and I felt that God was asking me to go because I had an urge to say no but had a voice telling me to say yes. So then I said yes…best decision I have made!
When I arrived, it felt very different because it was at a house and I had never been in that type of environment. The way everything was structured was something different too. In the first half, there is a time of worship and the Lord’s supper and in the second half, there is a bible teaching meeting. The second half is what I knew about considering that I went to Fellowship in my first year of college. The first half really caught my attention. It reminded me of what I spoke with my friend who invited me and that the Lord’s supper is a way to remember His sacrifice. From the understanding of what I learned in catholicism, it was shown as a re-representation of transforming the bread and wine to His body and blood, which I see as something unbiblical based on what transubstantiation states.
I am having trouble remembering if this speech was said the first time I went there or the second time, or maybe the mix of both but I remember one teaching referencing Ephesians 6 that stood out to me when we need to put the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20). While pieces of armor were being used to represent the passage, it was brought to my attention that it was signaling a metaphor. Where we are not actually putting a suit of armor on but we are spiritually putting armor on to keep us from the dark forces of the devil. While listening to that, I came to a deeper understanding that God is not always literal but He does give these metaphoric instances to help us draw closer to Him. I found this fascinating and wanted to build a deeper understanding of what the Bible teaches.
I still did not consider myself saved yet but we are getting closer. I am still at the end of the rope of catholicism but it is about to let go shortly. After that Sunday, I started to go to a bible study that they host on Wednesdays. This time, I did not have my friend from the internship assisting me. On my way there, I turned off the music and drove in the silence. I asked God for assistance to help me build a deeper understanding of God’s word and be able to communicate well with the people I am reading with. When meeting new people, I tend to be nervous because I fear of saying the wrong thing or being too silent. Of course, I got to know the people the past two weeks from coming on Sundays but I also had my friend with me who introduced me to the church. I prayed to our Lord to find that comfort and graciously, He answered my prayer.
When going into the bible study, I of course was nervous, but I gradually got used to speaking with them as the night went on. I got to meet with another guy my age and was very nice. We had dinner, chatted on various topics, and slowly went into the bible study. We went through Revelation 2:8-11 and it brought to my attention how deep we can go for each verse. One example would be when we went over verse nine. I remember we went in deep of knowing that God knows about our afflictions and poverty but we are rich. If I remember correctly, I think I started speaking and mentioned that God knows our faults but if we remain with Him we will be led to eternal life. Something along that line but overall, that study really got me thinking that there is so much to see in scripture that I was unaware of. At that meeting, I also was suggested to read through Romans by someone who led the study (who also was very helpful in helping me get to know Christ) because Paul speaks a lot about our salvation in that book of the Bible.
Before I dive into what I have discovered about Romans, I also like to point out what we did for the rest of the night. We had a bunch of other people coming in and we had time in prayer together where we discussed what we wanted to be prayed for and we all came to ask the Lord Jesus to hear our prayers. It was a marvelous moment and very much helped me understand that people at this church are true brothers and sisters of Christ. It was great to know that they pray very deeply for each and every person they can think of to ask our Lord for the assistance we need. That encouraged me to pray for others that I know who need Jesus in their lives.
After that day, I decided to look over scripture on my own but I also got a little help. I texted the friend I met at fellowship (the friend I mentioned who goes to Cru from my freshman year of college) and asked if we could read Romans together. As I was reading I discovered so much in what salvation is and the connections I have made with the gospels. I noticed how we are justified by faith which can lead to righteousness and there is nothing else we can add to it. I came to realize that the works we do in catholicism go against it because for example in Romans 4:3-6, we see how Paul says that works are not being credited but having the belief in Christ will lead us to righteousness. I have made a connection with Mathew at the time when in Mathew 16:8-11, Jesus talks about having little faith in the disciples when He warns them about the Pharisees and Sadducees. Also, another relatable passage on the top of my head was Jonah 1, where Jonah denied Jesus and went off to do his own thing because he did not have faith in doing what he was asked. Then he paid the price when he was in the belly of the fish. But he soon realizes that he should follow God when he creates a prayer to Him in chapter 2. With that said, that can relate to Romans 5:3-5, where our suffering can lead to perseverance and hope towards our Lord Jesus.
Some of what I just said now are things I am still continuing to learn and know. After hearing how our faith in believing in our Lord Jesus can lead to salvation and discovering what the people in the bible went through, it made it clear that I am saved by our Lord Jesus and He is my salvation through the grace He has put on us. That is when I let go of the rope of catholicism and entered into a new life with our Lord. I became so amazed that I am willing to sacrifice moments of my time during the day to read His word and understand Him more deeply. I can go on with testimonies I heard, and more stories I discovered (with Simon Peter, John the Baptist, Paul, etc.) but that will be for another blog in the near future.
I got to be very close to the Church in Mechanicsburg and learned a lot from them on how I can build a deeper understanding of our Savior. I was provided resources of sermons, songs, and readings to look at to help me understand His word and get the most from what I can comprehend.
August 2023-present
After all of that, I continued to go to that church in Mechanicsburg and I ended up meeting more people along the way. I was also given the opportunity to go to a Bible Conference at Greenwood Hills Bible Camp where I got to meet so many fellow believers. I have met someone who was raised catholic as well and helped bring more assurance that we are saved through faith. Now, I am back at school and currently back in Cru and Fellowship Church once again! I am so grecious of having to go through this journey and I felt that God planned for this to help me be as close to Him as I am now!
Growing up catholic, I was just holding on to something that felt like it was the right thing to follow but after getting to know our marvelous Savior through His word, I came to realize that catholicism is too focused on tradition and not what Jesus wants us to live. I also knew that there was something off, hence the questions I had in my mind as I was learning catholicism growing up. I always knew that Jesus was working in my heart and by going to Fellowship freshman year, I see that the seed was planted and the waters were poured when I met the people from Mechanicsburg these past few months (1 Corinthians 3:5-6). Now I have entered into a new life with Jesus and know how to build a deeper understanding of His Truth (1 John 5:19). Very grateful and excited about where the Lord will take me next! Praise Jesus!
After learning that, I began to engage more in understanding His word even deeper. I still did not consider myself saved at the time though. This was between May and June of 2023 when I wanted to hang onto my catholic beliefs. I wanted to not let go of it because it was still something I wanted to hold on to.
July 2023
Time rolled by and later on, my friend (the girl I was talking about earlier) asked about going to the grocery store in the morning one Sunday. That day I planned on going to the catholic church a few blocks away from the area we have been staying at for the internship. I mentioned it may not work with my schedule because of that reason but then she asked to go to her church that day instead. I was unsure and hesitant about going because I still had this rope that I was holding onto with catholicism. I thought about it and I felt that God was asking me to go because I had an urge to say no but had a voice telling me to say yes. So then I said yes…best decision I have made!
When I arrived, it felt very different because it was at a house and I had never been in that type of environment. The way everything was structured was something different too. In the first half, there is a time of worship and the Lord’s supper and in the second half, there is a bible teaching meeting. The second half is what I knew about considering that I went to Fellowship in my first year of college. The first half really caught my attention. It reminded me of what I spoke with my friend who invited me and that the Lord’s supper is a way to remember His sacrifice. From the understanding of what I learned in catholicism, it was shown as a re-representation of transforming the bread and wine to His body and blood, which I see as something unbiblical based on what transubstantiation states.
I am having trouble remembering if this speech was said the first time I went there or the second time, or maybe the mix of both but I remember one teaching referencing Ephesians 6 that stood out to me when we need to put the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20). While pieces of armor were being used to represent the passage, it was brought to my attention that it was signaling a metaphor. Where we are not actually putting a suit of armor on but we are spiritually putting armor on to keep us from the dark forces of the devil. While listening to that, I came to a deeper understanding that God is not always literal but He does give these metaphoric instances to help us draw closer to Him. I found this fascinating and wanted to build a deeper understanding of what the Bible teaches.
I still did not consider myself saved yet but we are getting closer. I am still at the end of the rope of catholicism but it is about to let go shortly. After that Sunday, I started to go to a bible study that they host on Wednesdays. This time, I did not have my friend from the internship assisting me. On my way there, I turned off the music and drove in the silence. I asked God for assistance to help me build a deeper understanding of God’s word and be able to communicate well with the people I am reading with. When meeting new people, I tend to be nervous because I fear of saying the wrong thing or being too silent. Of course, I got to know the people the past two weeks from coming on Sundays but I also had my friend with me who introduced me to the church. I prayed to our Lord to find that comfort and graciously, He answered my prayer.
When going into the bible study, I of course was nervous, but I gradually got used to speaking with them as the night went on. I got to meet with another guy my age and was very nice. We had dinner, chatted on various topics, and slowly went into the bible study. We went through Revelation 2:8-11 and it brought to my attention how deep we can go for each verse. One example would be when we went over verse nine. I remember we went in deep of knowing that God knows about our afflictions and poverty but we are rich. If I remember correctly, I think I started speaking and mentioned that God knows our faults but if we remain with Him we will be led to eternal life. Something along that line but overall, that study really got me thinking that there is so much to see in scripture that I was unaware of. At that meeting, I also was suggested to read through Romans by someone who led the study (who also was very helpful in helping me get to know Christ) because Paul speaks a lot about our salvation in that book of the Bible.
Before I dive into what I have discovered about Romans, I also like to point out what we did for the rest of the night. We had a bunch of other people coming in and we had time in prayer together where we discussed what we wanted to be prayed for and we all came to ask the Lord Jesus to hear our prayers. It was a marvelous moment and very much helped me understand that people at this church are true brothers and sisters of Christ. It was great to know that they pray very deeply for each and every person they can think of to ask our Lord for the assistance we need. That encouraged me to pray for others that I know who need Jesus in their lives.
After that day, I decided to look over scripture on my own but I also got a little help. I texted the friend I met at fellowship (the friend I mentioned who goes to Cru from my freshman year of college) and asked if we could read Romans together. As I was reading I discovered so much in what salvation is and the connections I have made with the gospels. I noticed how we are justified by faith which can lead to righteousness and there is nothing else we can add to it. I came to realize that the works we do in catholicism go against it because for example in Romans 4:3-6, we see how Paul says that works are not being credited but having the belief in Christ will lead us to righteousness. I have made a connection with Mathew at the time when in Mathew 16:8-11, Jesus talks about having little faith in the disciples when He warns them about the Pharisees and Sadducees. Also, another relatable passage on the top of my head was Jonah 1, where Jonah denied Jesus and went off to do his own thing because he did not have faith in doing what he was asked. Then he paid the price when he was in the belly of the fish. But he soon realizes that he should follow God when he creates a prayer to Him in chapter 2. With that said, that can relate to Romans 5:3-5, where our suffering can lead to perseverance and hope towards our Lord Jesus.
Some of what I just said now are things I am still continuing to learn and know. After hearing how our faith in believing in our Lord Jesus can lead to salvation and discovering what the people in the bible went through, it made it clear that I am saved by our Lord Jesus and He is my salvation through the grace He has put on us. That is when I let go of the rope of catholicism and entered into a new life with our Lord. I became so amazed that I am willing to sacrifice moments of my time during the day to read His word and understand Him more deeply. I can go on with testimonies I heard, and more stories I discovered (with Simon Peter, John the Baptist, Paul, etc.) but that will be for another blog in the near future.
I got to be very close to the Church in Mechanicsburg and learned a lot from them on how I can build a deeper understanding of our Savior. I was provided resources of sermons, songs, and readings to look at to help me understand His word and get the most from what I can comprehend.
August 2023-present
After all of that, I continued to go to that church in Mechanicsburg and I ended up meeting more people along the way. I was also given the opportunity to go to a Bible Conference at Greenwood Hills Bible Camp where I got to meet so many fellow believers. I have met someone who was raised catholic as well and helped bring more assurance that we are saved through faith. Now, I am back at school and currently back in Cru and Fellowship Church once again! I am so grecious of having to go through this journey and I felt that God planned for this to help me be as close to Him as I am now!
Growing up catholic, I was just holding on to something that felt like it was the right thing to follow but after getting to know our marvelous Savior through His word, I came to realize that catholicism is too focused on tradition and not what Jesus wants us to live. I also knew that there was something off, hence the questions I had in my mind as I was learning catholicism growing up. I always knew that Jesus was working in my heart and by going to Fellowship freshman year, I see that the seed was planted and the waters were poured when I met the people from Mechanicsburg these past few months (1 Corinthians 3:5-6). Now I have entered into a new life with Jesus and know how to build a deeper understanding of His Truth (1 John 5:19). Very grateful and excited about where the Lord will take me next! Praise Jesus!